Week 2 Story: Goblin City

 Goblin City

Retold by Ava Hiser

Many many years ago, in a far away place, there was a city, more of a town really, composed entirely of Goblins. These Goblins were evil, and smelly- as most Goblins are. But these Goblins had one characteristic that distinguished them from other Goblins, they had a flair for romance. Do you know how difficult it is to find a willing partner for romance when one is a literal Goblin? I’ll answer that question for you. Quite difficult. Being a Goblin is hard enough- nearby towns throw rocks and rotten fruit at you if your walk takes you near them, children cry when they see you, it is really an awful gig. And on top of everything- no man wants to date a Goblin. 

The Goblin city I write to tell you the tale of happened to be a colony of female Goblins. They would sing their woes day in and day out, so tired of being single. Then one day they decided that no longer would they sit idly by trying to find ways to make the human men fall in love with them when it was failing time and time again. They needed something better than feminine wiles- Goblin strength. So they made a trip to the closest village and stole up all of the men- what were those weak human women going to do- stop them? Ha. Fat chance. They carried off all of the men, enjoyed them as husbands for a couple months, and when they were bored of them, they ate them. The best dessert they had enjoyed in eons. 

They continued to do this, of course taking gaps in between the robbery, brief marriage, and consumption cycle to enjoy being single Goblins- “How is someone else going to enjoy your company if you don’t enjoy it yourself?” They would say to one another, despite the fact that the someone else was in fact a captive who wasn't going to enjoy Goblin company in any fashion.

Goblin in her wedding regalia

After a few rotations of this husband theft, the Goblins were thwarted by a group of women who had been training for these She-Goblins' arrival. These particular women were from a town famed in human-dom for their height and strength. The Goblins, of course, had never heard of these women- they didn't speak to any humans. Not even the temporary husbands of the Goblins were able to get a word in edgewise to tell them of the gargantuan women, Goblins are very talkative creatures. The tall and strong women could put up a good fight against a Goblin on a good day- but winning was not guaranteed. So they trained and got even stronger, though no taller unfortunately. They hid their men away in the back rooms of their shacks and houses. They prepared weapons. When the She-Goblins arrived in the dead of night, all dressed up in preparation for marriage, they saw no men- all they saw was a large group of incredibly muscular and remarkably tall ladies whose faces meant nothing but business. These human ladies with muscles of steel rumbled and tumbled with the be-gowned She-Goblins, and they tussled with them until dawn broke. All of the She-Goblins had been bound and gagged except the smallest of them who was haphazardly warding off a 6-foot tall 12 year old village girl whose mother was letting her practice fighting on her. 

The Goblins were rounded up and sent off to live on a remote island called Ceylon, where they would hopefully have no access to men.

Story adapted from the original Goblin City.

Authors Note:

I decided to give the Goblins a different method of husband thieving, and to create a group of human women who could save the men from the Goblins instead of someone magical, and to give a bit of a twist ending that made the whole story end up as a prequel to the original story.